So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
