i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
