at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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