Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
