Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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