My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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