Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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