i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
