Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize