I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
