enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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