i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
