My brain says no but my pants say off.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
