There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
They took my balls.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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