Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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