Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
