She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
