I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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