He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
