Me too!
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
