I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
