New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
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She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
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Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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