2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
