the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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