pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
