I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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