I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
