Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
