i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
