I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize