I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
How's work?
Spinning.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
