Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
