By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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