i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
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