I wish i was in the wii world.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
