he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
How external is "for external use only"?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
