Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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