i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I need help removing her.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
