u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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