Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
