I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
