can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
