he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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