based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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