last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
