She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
