Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
