dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
did i walk over a car last night?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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