Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
