yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
