i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
