i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
