Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
