How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
