If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
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Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
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The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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