i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
