bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
