i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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