I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
