she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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