Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
