my mouth tastes like poor choices
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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