Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
