At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
