That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
