glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
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