Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
