nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
