Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
