I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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