I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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