RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
