I wish I only lived at night.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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