My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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