My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care