i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
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i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
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So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina