Have you finally orgasmed yet?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left