If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
