Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
